The people I thought would help were nowhere,wait how did I forget to tell you about my surprise baby shower in hospital ,my girls were on it ,Cynthia ,Tabby ,mikkellah,Hellen,Gloria, Liz yeah,thank you so much .
So I was so down ,no work no income just sleeping and surviving by the grace of God,my mum and dad supported me where they could ,they really did .
Every Sunday church was my friend, I lost hope in life I could view Jimmy’s WhatsApp status and see him out with girls drinking and kissing them lol…that is posted you know,for me to see maybe ,he was so inhuman ,I cried a lot ,crying was my food.But you know what? I never shared with Anyone up to date.
So I was moving with Gods speed .I found out that in this world the only moving person who moves with you is God.
Yes the only moving rock ,he listened to my prayers and gave me a hustle,at least I got income ,I thanked God,I could afford a smile again I could smile and I started gaining my self esteem just before I was fully recorvered,boom I was admitted at Nairobi women’s for depression .,I was admitted for two weeks in bed ,for the first days I never knew where I was ,my neighbour purity took me to hospital,I almost list my life yeah ,I had only three hours to live on earth.
Well I pushed through ,my family cleared bills,I was back home broke all over had lost my job .
Just in the middle of the tears ,I was appointed as a county ambassador for share Kenya foundation kisii county ,the thing that changed my story yeah .I worked it out ,I did projects yes I silently moved i never told anyone about it but yes I moved ,it helped a lot as much as I did charity works .
God lifted me to somewhere and my baby was okay this time around .what I had to do is to never cease hustling because after all that was a contract and not a full time job.I picked some hustles and worked them out.
It reached a point I sat myself down and told myself ,now the past is gone ,it is time to reconstruct the fallen pillars ,time to rise up and win it all,I gave myself hope .
I remembered the bad times I went through and said to myself no more tears ,I had to make myself happy ,that’s all that mattered to me ,I Had the energy now.
I had some little money at least I could eat what I wanted ,I moved from the house I lived in to a bigger house ,okay I felt like God had plans and I prayed never to backslide.I met new friends in the process,I felt blessed,so I could ho out hangout with them have fun.I did all these to forget and burry the past.
Within no time I was okay and never worried,But I missed Jimmy at times though I had to really move on .so at a particular party I met some guy ,hehehe I never noticed him but he noticed me ,approached me and talked to me and he got my number at the end of the day,I actually gave my number out because I never look down upon people they could be heaven sent you know.We met severally and I must confess that besides all the financial support he offered he really helped me push through a couple of rough roads .He gave me a sense of belonging again ,he comforted me ,he listened when I explained ,he listened when I cried and gave me hope ,he told me the past is gone and it doesn’t matter ,you have today and tomorrow that’s all that matters ,that’s the guy we could meet daily and eat ,drink talk then everybody goes home .I wasnt I a Hurry to love I was afraid of men ,but I found solace in him ,I could frankly tell him what I lack and he could give it out saying “your problems are mine “(ain’t disclosing him for fear of bloggers haha)
That is it my baby will be turning a year on the 11th of December haha,babygifts are welcome lol by heavens grace she’s fine and a blessing to me.Jimmy I can’t tell where he is but I only find video calls on WhatsApp everyday which I have no time for ,he started tracking me down ,he could tell Where I was at a particular time and even threatens to look for me as he wants his “baby”.
Hehehe,so in summary of all these dear ones,beware depression kills,it does I evaded death .
Do not think a lot ,instead pray believe and wait. God listens and he answers in his own time ,
Men are different there are good men out there who can just love and appreciate you no matter how hard your past has been,ofcourse everyone has a past so don’t be in a relationship where you are a victim of love,don’t be a slave of love if you feel it is giving you stress and pressure leave and it shall be well.
Many women choose to stay in relationships and he slaves because they have no option, they can’t go back to their parents after all the mess and shame ,they are mistreated and beaten up in the name of love ,love is kind ,love I’d generous and love is understanding, do not be fooled by the heart ,control your emotions and feelings and make decisions too.
We have a lot of deadbeat babydadys all over ,so an advise to ladies just before you get pregnant to a aman make sure you are okay by all means,you have a source of income or an alternative hustle just incase things go wrong you can stand on your own.Those men are very nice ,so nice with lies wait until they see no value in you, they can show you wonders .
Create a bond with your family and few friends you trust ,that’s all that can help remember despite all family lives and it is always an option .
Before you think of an abortion just imagine how beautiful your baby can be ,how it feels to be a mother and how it feels to look at your baby and say damn that’s my ovary right there .It is overwhelming to be called mum by a kid ,it feels nice ,it is a blessing .
God is always the answer ,he leads others follow
Avoid being alone ,you will think a lot ,do not share every problem you go through ,not everyone ewill help others will laugh and gossip so share less.
Do not sink in thoughts be optimistic,tomorrow has it.
Special regards to my family ,and friends and everyone who has walked with me through this nasty journey ,may God bless you .
My mum Pauline Kerubo and my dad Tom nyamweya your love for me is unconditional am gonna make you the proudest people ,God bless,my brothers blessings and my daughter then ofcourse my prayer partner .
Thank you lenza for sharing your inspiration, it has been a great journey and finally there is light at the end of the tunnel